Turning The BIG 4-0

I’ve been thinking about this post and this day for awhile now. Longer than anything else I’ve ever written I think. Entirely too long for sure. Turning 40… I’m just not ready.

I have gone from wanting to run and hide from this day. To wanting to cry. To pretending it’s not really happening. But it is. I’m 40.

Maybe it wouldn’t feel so sad and let’s face it – depressed – if I had reached even one of my goals I had for myself last year – my goal weight, faithful with my Bible Study, organized like the good ole’ days. But I’m not. I’m not where I thought I would be (the person I thought I would be) when I reached 40. So it’s kind of difficult to celebrate this day.

This is what my scale said on January 1, 2016. I am 70.4 pounds from my goal weight that I truly thought I would reach in 2015. I’m gonna say I missed it just a bit. So then I’m thinking about my birthday and writing this post even more. Now I have to admit (in writing) that I came no where near in reaching my goal. Fast forward to the night before my birthday and I’m getting ready for bed (which now includes plucking chin hair while using an acne cream and anti wrinkle night cream) and I finally decide to just embrace this whole thing.

Embrace that I am now a 40 year old woman who is overweight at the moment. I am a mother who homeschools her girls, works from home and runs her dancing daughters to the studio 5 nights a week. I’m a woman who has been putting everyone else’s needs before mine, which I see as a good thing expect that I’m not taking care of myself at all. So maybe my year of 40 is not about getting older but about finally focusing on myself. Finally realizing that I need to take care of myself if I want to take care of my family.

I have a my goals set and my plans made to reach this goal and be that healthy mama I truly want to be. For now I’ll just leave you with what I will be using to jump start this journey. In the following weeks I’ll share what my goals are and how I plan to reach them.